Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Whischkerrs Ritez:

Dera Ceiling Cat I has silli kvestchun:

Me nos lajks teh cheez on teh cheezburgerz.
I can has teh burgerz wifaot teh cheez?

Pls saves me form teh Basement Cat

Yuorz fejtfulli,

Deer Whischkerrs,

Soem kittehs mai liek to DO NOT WANT cheez on der cheezburger an ai tink dat is okai. Soemtiems just hafin teh burger is gud. Soemtiems just hafin teh cheez is gud. In kitteh Ceiling, tho, yu can has hamburger, ai promis.

Soemtiems wifout cheez,
Ceiling Cat

Claire Ritez:

Hai ceilin cat i iz a kitteh and don't kno much i iz on mai hoomans computer and needz some answers nowz

why iz de hoomans get de oposible thumbs and use of de can opener??
i wouldz like to do that too

Dere Clare,

If yu has oposible fumbs an can has use teh can opener wat can teh hooman do? Hoomans are maid to serv teh kittehs ov teh Urfs, srsly.

Wen ai coem bak ai see bout teh oposible fumbs for everee kitteh. Until den, tho, yu needz kepe gettin teh pets an teh eer scrachez, rly. I maed hoomans liek doin dat.

Kepe Meowing for Meowmix an stuffz,
Ceiling Cat

Monday, May 19, 2008

Marshall Bond Ritez:


Dere Marshul,

Get of teh internetz, go to soem plaec, an maek frenz, n00b. Yu tink ai wan maek yu lazee an jus gif yu frenz?

If yu smellee, wash. If yu has akwurd domeenyur, go getz halp. DO NOT WANT gif yu freebees so yu can be tankles laitur, srsly.

Go nao!

Yu masturbate to much, rly, ai sawded dat,
Ceiling Cat

Ewan Taylor Ritez:

oh ceiling cat i think i need to be nicer to people around me, can you help?

Dere Ewwwwun,

D00d, whai yu gotta be meen to teh utha ppl? Ar dey meen to yu? Du yu tink yu gets cheezburgers bai bein meen? DO NOT WANT! Yu betta be gud to teh utha ppl, or Basement Cat can has yu. Srsly.

Nao, if yu wanna by niecer be liek Jebus, he wuz reeeely niec. He gaev ppl stufz an heeleded kittehs. Yu mai not can heeleded kittehs but yu can gif cumfynoms, rly.

Awlso, wen yu meen to kitteh wud yu wan dem be meen to yu?

Den dun be meen fiwst, srsly.

Yu dun wan me to be meen to yu, srsly, so be niec,
Ceiling Cat

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Insane_bubble ritez:

I need to ask a question,
What would you consider to be true love?

Dere crazee bubbuls,

Troo luf... Ai sai wut it meen in teh lolcat bibul, srsly.

4 Luv is pashient n kind, luv haz no jelusniss or showin offz, luv no is stuck-up5 or r00dz. Luv no insistzes on doin it rite, itz not pisst off alla tiem or rezentflufflele.6 Luv izzn all happiez about doin it wrong, but is happiez about teh truthz.7 Luv putz up wiht all teh stuffz, beelivez all teh stuffz, hoepz for all teh stuffz. Luv putz up wiht all teh stuffz... i sed that areddy?

Luf be liek dat, rly.

Luv ppl alwai,
Ceiling Cat

frullic ritez:

Greetings exalted one from above! I have a really important question. There's this hot chick in my class but she has a boyfriend. Should I go for her slightly younger and hotter sister?
-frullic, faithful to the feline from above

Dere frullic,

Tap dat. Srsly. Reed her teh Song of Solomon, srsly:

9 Yu are like teh horse. Wait, no! Like...
like teh onez on teh chariotz of Pharoh. Wait... I beez sry.

10 Yer cheekz are teh shiny wit shiny thingz like pomehgranitz.
Yer neck is wit strings of jewelz, en I play wit dem.

11 We will make yu teh earringz of teh gohld
wit silver studz.

Dat maek her reeeeeel happeh. Rly!

Ceiling Cat

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Agnostic Cat ritez:

Celiling Cat,

I wuz just wunderin how j00 felt about teh Big Flyin Spaghetti Monsterz? Can i haz doubts AND cheezburgerz: Or r u a vengful kitteh?

KTnxBai Agnostic Cat

Dere Agnostic Cat,

Om nom nom nom nom.

No cheezburgerz for yu unless yu can has beleef,

Ceiling Cat